Asian parents and interracial dating
Because even if it doesn’t happen every day, it’s become a As long as I’ve been writing online, I’ve had trolls.
Recently I participated in the #whitewashed OUT hashtag, as many of us did, and this was the [incredibly mild!
The thing about Asian men harassing you really makes my stomach turn.
I mean, I kind of understand on a superficial level — I felt ugly as an Asian-presenting man for most of my life.
I worry that there’s some kind of fetishism at play, and sometimes I also reflexively internalize it as “why do they think Asian men are ugly? However, I can acknowledge that this comes from a) my own deep insecurities about everything physical about myself, and b) my anger about actual fetishism, none of which makes me think I have the right to police individual Asian women for their choices.
My reaction has nothing to do with Asian women generally or one Asian person in particular — it’s a rage at the systemic things in media and culture that have led me to believe my Asianness is unattractive and unwanted.
The more I’ve talked to Asian men about interracial dating, the more I’ve noticed that for some, there seems to be an inferiority complex stemming from very real racism mixed with the kind of virulent misogyny too many men are prone to.
I also know that even if yellow fever is one part of the equation, it doesn’t always preclude actual love.
In the case of my own parents, there was definitely fetishism on both sides, but I also truly believe they loved each other.
being totally turned off to the idea of dating outside his race.
My father was an example of that — he definitely had a thing for white women, even as he made jokes about white dudes chasing Asian women.
And I don’t think the ones saying misogynistic things to me or saying gross things about my biracial kids really believe I was talking about dating/marrying out recently with some Asian American friends who also have white partners — it can be tough to talk and write about this issue, because no one wants their relationship choices to be up for public debate, nor do they want to give more fodder to the people who might judge them.